For the past 6 months, I’ve been seeking the Lord. I was supposing to rest but I didn’t. Instead I buried myself in work which to be honest did not translate to any income. I hit a rough time @ work and I was beginning to feel very anxious and even desperate. Fortunately I always remember – to go back to God and pray. The Lord showed me my prayer requests that I’ve made to Him before I gave birth to LittleA. All was answered. A rest for 6 months and to spend time with my little one. I really got nothing from work – and that is the part – IT IS VERY scary for me. @ this point of time I have to thank the Husband who had always insisted we should have reserves should any point of time if we hit a road block. I found it hard to jot these down because first it is an open blog + to face the reality is always seems so daunting (especially as I grow older). Many questions kept popping up in my head and is driving me very crazy @ times.
- “Can I survive in this competitive industry?”
- “Why am I so “lazy”?
- “What if I cannot do this anymore?”
- “How come I feel so lousy as a developer or a designer?!”
- “Shall I quit?”
The last question always jolts me up. I looked at my time and schedule and realize is the only thing that allows me to spend time for my family and the ministries. If I were to work for others, this flexibility will be gone for good. I’ve the privilege to watch Z grow up for the 26 months before I placed him in childcare. Even though 5 days in school is good for him but I cannot help but realize I am spending so much lesser time with him. He definitely learns much more in school but I wish I was the one doing the teaching and learning with him. Now having A, I would want to give her the same as well. Having said that – I really need to ensure my business can support us. (Relying on Husband income maybe just nice but I very much prefer to earn my own income as well)
In desperate moments like these or when one’s mind is pretty much confused, I remember that I need to Seek the Lord. Seeking Him is the only way to get a clear mind and to receive wisdoms from the Lord on where He wants to lead me. As I took the time to “so-called” rest I re-evaluate my business again. What are the areas of improvement? I worked on it and kept asking God to show me light. I did a revamp of my website and praying hard I can get more businesses. The Holy Spirit in me helped me to chart the direction of the business by setting up my mission again. I still felt I need more guidance in setting up my visions for the business otherwise how am I supposed it will grow if I am clueless how my business should look like? I am stuck in this part and to make it harder – I kept facing setbacks and failures. How to vision when I don’t see something good in the first place ?
Like I mentioned earlier, I had been listening to Joyce meyer sermons via the podcasts. It was good. She recently also wrote a new book call “Get your hopes up”. She included the first intro of the book for sample viewing. After reading through, I thought to myself I should really get this book and read more. I needed HOPE especially in the current disappointing time of my life. I knew this book is probably not available in SG yet and hence I got it online and waited 3 weeks before it reached me!
I read and read. Sometimes I realized I forgotten I re-read again and slowly but surely God is changing and renewing my mind. It was a nice thing when G messaged me and asked me how she can pray for me and I know her she took efforts to pray hence I send her a lengthy message haha. As I read the book, I prayed hard that God is showing me something and He did. Recall I said earlier “I kept facing setbacks and failures. How to vision when I don’t see something good in the first place ?” God showed me this verse from Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
“No matter what is happening, how bad it hurts or how long it lasts – always believe! If you do, you will be bubbling over with hope! That hope will be an anchor for your soul. ” – Joyce Meyer
That is after reading 134 pages, I know my heart was moving with emotions of course moved by the Lord. I know I just need to trust Him and keep getting my mind renewed and be positive. I was tired of feeling negative.
One of the thing is to take time to take stock of my life. Even when circumstances are terrible but it will change. All will change EXCEPT my God who is a constant. Hence to live with a hope on a continual basis, I want to spend my day to look @ how God is blessing me. That’s important and to me is a hope that is God-given.
I recalled I used to have the starter line in my earlier years blog post. I would begin “Blessings of the Day” followed by my blog post but I’ve stopped for a few years now. I have intend to bring this back again 🙂
Blessings of the Day 11th June 2015
- The 2 kids are getting better each day 🙂
- Z is beginning to sleep through the night and w/0 milk! Thank GOD!
- A good haircut from my hairstylist.
- I am alive today to be able to breathe and to do my work!
Thank you Jesus. You are my Hope You are my strength!!