I am getting easily frustrated these days and getting really tired. I want to shout “Time-out!”.
As I looked at my calendar, it is filled with activities and commitments. Some days it felt good to see I am living my life to the fullest. Some days it felt like – where is my me time?
I’ve realized I hesitate to blog due to my site is exposed to the public which include my friends. I am probably thinking – if i blog what is in my head right now, I may risk losing a couple of friendships or perhaps what i fear most was “judgement” on how I live my life.
However I realize i need to write my feelings down. Sure, i can write in my journal which i do from time to time. In a journal, is definitely private. No one is going to judge me unless they found my journal. (I may end up losing more friends haha). So why the open site like this? This caused so much dilemma right?
Main reason – i find it faster (and easier) to type than to write. (I can almost hear someone saying then lock your blog girl! which bring me to my 2nd reason)
Second reason – I often find inspiration and encouragement when i read people blog – especially when I read about their life – they are truthful about it and I can almost identify some of the struggles they are facing in their lives. I often thought when i jot my life down on this public site, some days (i hope) it may help one or two lost soul who needed encouragement and after reading my post will feel encouraged that they are not alone and someone had pass through the phase and realize this too shall pass. Even though I really dislike my blog to have too many “negative” posts, I realize I am pretending to be strong even when I am not. It is very sad that even in front of our screen, we still continue to pretend. (sometimes even though i am not a full time or any popular known blogger, i can really understand why some pple decided to shut down their blog for good so that isn’t any pretence required or any unnecessary judgement)
Hence, i decided I will be honest and write my thoughts down. I am also doing my best to be tactful and perhaps some of the thoughts may come across as immature. However I realize who at some point of time isn’t immature? That’s why we grow right? And being honest is the first step to make myself better and grow to a new maturity level. (Yes i still cringed when i see some of my old blog posts. But I’ve seen the positive side too – I’ve definitely grown 🙂 )
I am struggling in many areas right now. Some are good and some not so good.
I’ve decided that these struggling are such a big “topic” to talk about and I decided i will break down into mini posts. They are mainly