Words affect my beliefs

“Words of praise come easy in church, but what are your words when it’s just you, God and your problems? Learn how to speak words of thanksgiving no matter your circumstances.” – Joyce Meyers

Sometimes is easy to complain. Is too easy to say negative things. And i wonder why so. I decided that I should change my day by listing 5 things i am grateful for each day.  Here goes.

  1. Thank God for the car. The car allows me to ferry my kids to and fro from school. Especially under this hazy weather, the car became our shelter while ferrying them.
  2. Thank God for KG who support me and the family during this challenging period of my work. Is not easy but God provides through Kg.
  3. Thank God for children BSF and especially much earlier i didn’t know it was available. I am grateful that the program allow me to expose my children to the word of God at a young age.
  4. Thank God for protecting me and my love ones everyday.
  5. Thank God for loving me. I am loved by You. I am reminded that i have this identity in You. One frd mentioned when we know our identity, we will know our rights. When we know our rights, we will know what is our our inheritance. I thought that was a very powerful statement. Indeed, standing not just with God but in God as well. 🙂

2015 October – 3 more months to year end

Thanksgiving

  1. We booked our holiday in Jan 2016. Something to look forward. 3 more months.
  2. Technical glitch turns out blessings. While booking for the hols, i couldnt pay online. So i called up and they decided to waive off the kids charges + additional credits to spend. I didn’t see that coming.  Thank you Lord – help me save so much moolah.
  3. During a client meeting, the client looked at me and started saying “The Lord bless you and keep you. Pray continually. Pray.” > Thank you for the reminder Lord.
  4. Loving BSF – is been a blessing so far. Thank you God for bringing me to study your word.

I am trying to revive this dusty online blog. Recently a very dear friend, L lost her mom in a very short period of time. In fact it was so sudden, it left the family in shocked. I went down twice to visit her mom and was led by the Holy Spirit to share God’s word. What was meant for her mom who was lying there, i realize those words were meant for her family to hear. Lord whatever it is, you had used me to be there. I do not know what was your purpose to send me but thank you for watching over L and her family. It had been difficult and also reminded me of my own lost before. Nonetheless, we know in You are healing them and helping them to go through this challenging period.

I want to restart my blog again. I initially wanted to ditch this blog and setup a new one. But i tot, these blog contains memories as far as 2005 or even earlier. The purpose to jot down is to show to both kids. To share with them what their mom had gone through. I certainly don’t have a glorious past and i look forward to a rewarding future. A future that is filled with hopes and God’s promises. When I attended today’s BSF, it talked about Moses jotting down how the Israelite moved out from slavery and into the promise land. 40 years recording. I am already 32 years old and i only jot about a decade worth of my journey. I know it is time to pick this up again. Even if the kids don’t read, it will be reminder for me as i go through this journey while we raised both kids up.

3 more months. Lord – help me to break through and help me to clinch the projects. Lord i want the projects. However if you never intend for me to work on the projects, then don’t give to me Lord. Cos i know you are going to give me something even better.

“Hope strives in an atmosphere of thankfulness” – Joyce Meyer

For the past 6 months, I’ve been seeking the Lord. I was supposing to rest but I didn’t. Instead I buried myself in work which to be honest did not translate to any income. I hit a rough time @ work and I was beginning to feel very anxious and even desperate. Fortunately I always remember – to go back to God and pray. The Lord showed me my prayer requests that I’ve made to Him before I gave birth to LittleA. All was answered. A rest for 6 months and to spend time with my little one. I really got nothing from work – and that is the part – IT IS VERY scary for me. @ this point of time I have to thank the Husband who had always insisted we should have reserves should any point of time if we hit a road block. I found it hard to jot these down because first it is an open blog + to face the reality is always seems so daunting (especially as I grow older). Many questions kept popping up in my head and is driving me very crazy @ times.

  1. “Can I survive in this competitive industry?”
  2. “Why am I so “lazy”?
  3. “What if I cannot do this anymore?”
  4. “How come I feel so lousy as a developer or a designer?!”
  5. “Shall I quit?”

The last question always jolts me up. I looked at my time and schedule and realize is the only thing that allows me to spend time for my family and the ministries. If I were to work for others, this flexibility will be gone for good. I’ve the privilege to watch Z grow up for the 26 months before I placed him in childcare. Even though 5 days in school is good for him but I cannot help but realize I am spending so much lesser time with him. He definitely learns much more in school but I wish I was the one doing the teaching and learning with him. Now having A, I would want to give her the same as well. Having said that – I really need to ensure my business can support us. (Relying on Husband income maybe just nice but I very much prefer to earn my own income as well)

In desperate moments like these or when one’s mind is pretty much confused, I remember that I need to Seek the Lord. Seeking Him is the only way to get a clear mind and to receive wisdoms from the Lord on where He wants to lead me. As I took the time to “so-called” rest I re-evaluate my business again. What are the areas of improvement? I worked on it and kept asking God to show me light. I did a revamp of my website and praying hard I can get more businesses. The Holy Spirit in me helped me to chart the direction of the business by setting up my mission again. I still felt I need more guidance in setting up my visions for the business otherwise how am I supposed it will grow if I am clueless how my business should look like? I am stuck in this part and to make it harder – I kept facing setbacks and failures. How to vision when I don’t see something good in the first place ?

Like I mentioned earlier, I had been listening to Joyce meyer sermons via the podcasts. It was good. She recently also wrote a new book call “Get your hopes up”. She included the first intro of the book for sample viewing. After reading through, I thought to myself I should really get this book and read more. I needed HOPE especially in the current disappointing time of my life. I knew this book is probably not available in SG yet and hence I got it online and waited 3 weeks before it reached me!

I read and read. Sometimes I realized I forgotten I re-read again and slowly but surely God is changing and renewing my mind. It was a nice thing when G messaged me and asked me how she can pray for me and I know her she took efforts to pray hence I send her a lengthy message haha. As I read the book, I prayed hard that God is showing me something and He did. Recall I said earlier “I kept facing setbacks and failures. How to vision when I don’t see something good in the first place ?” God showed me this verse from Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

“No matter what is happening, how bad it hurts or how long it lasts  – always believe! If you do, you will be bubbling over with hope! That hope will be an anchor for your soul. ”  – Joyce Meyer

That is after reading 134 pages, I know my heart was moving with emotions of course moved by the Lord. I know I just need to trust Him and keep getting my mind renewed and be positive. I was tired of feeling negative.

One of the thing is to take time to take stock of my life. Even when circumstances are terrible but it will change. All will change EXCEPT my God who is a constant. Hence to live with a  hope on a continual basis, I want to spend my day to look @ how God is blessing me. That’s important and to me is a hope that is God-given.

I recalled I used to have the starter line in my earlier years blog post. I would begin “Blessings of the Day” followed by my blog post but  I’ve stopped for a few years now. I have intend to bring this back again 🙂

Blessings of the Day 11th June 2015

  1. The 2 kids are getting better each day 🙂
  2. Z is beginning to sleep through the night and w/0 milk! Thank GOD!
  3. A good haircut from my hairstylist.
  4. I am alive today to be able to breathe and to do my work!

Thank you Jesus. You are my Hope You are my strength!!

Hello World 2015

I am “back” and I am quite shock to see my last post was dated 31st Dec 2013. One and a half year passed so quickly just like that. *snap snap*

Now a mother of two *gasp*. Was looking through my previous entries i was still cooing over my little pre-toddler. Z will be turning 3 this Aug and my little girl is currently 4 months. I am grateful for my children existence. They brought me joy and through these 2 lives – I’ve learned (still learning) to trust God even more.

Why did i resume blogging? I miss “documenting” my life down. I prefer writing in journal to be honest but to be SUPER honest – my handwriting is horrendous. I think I shall save paper, ink and my children eyesight (Yes both of YOU ZEB & ABI). Mommy wrote the blog is to give you a glimpse what’s life for me (+ daddy) while having the both of you. I don’t know when you will be reading this (probably in your 20s?) but for surely i know when you read this – you probably be laughing and crying. Z yes you – you’ve yet to sttn (Sleep Through The Night in case you need to Google (do you google now or is it another new term?)) and i am getting dark circles all thanks to you. Ms Abi – sweet little girl. *kiss*

I am back blogging 🙂

Looking Back 2013 – Counting blessings

“An unreflected experience is a lost experience”

2013 had been quite an eventful year for me.  Actually every year had always been eventful. Perhaps extra more this year especially I have Z now. Many people started posting on their FB, Twitter about their blessings in their lives despite the ups and downs. Is great to see people counting their blessings and it just send so much positive vibes around to do likewise and that includes me! So here goes…

A blessing to just spend time with my love ones enjoying fellowship, seabreeze and breakfast! (hur hur! As if such sight (referring a seaview breakfast) happens every weekend! Ha!)

A blessing to deliberately taking time off to reflect what my God had done for me. To admire my God’s creative works. To simply just dwell in His Presence.

A blessing to share home cook meals for my family love ones and my friends who want something yummy to warm their tummy and soul.

A blessing filled with so much fun and laughter *kinder surprise!* whenever I meet up with my secondary school buddies for more than 10 years.

Photo 31-12-13 10 52 12 pmPhoto 31-12-13 10 52 38 pm

A blessing with God’s people who loves me, accepted me, worked with me, labored with me and walked with me. Listening to my rants, rejoicing with me, weep with me and Encouraged me when I needed the extra boost. Blessed beyond measures 🙂

Then a very dear friend who will always remember to come and find me when she is in SG.

We had a such great holiday and we want to go back (anywhere) again.

When I had Z, i was really really (x100) worried for my career my business. I was really wondering how will this work out for us. We had no helper. Both sides did not remember how to care for a baby. I prayed … really hard. When we got ourselves a nanny, we had a small issue with the nanny. Then we hunted for another one without relying any recommendations. Just purely moving with faith and trusting God. Thank God we did find one. Not perfect. 8 months had passed, the nanny dote on Z and that’s more than enough for me. It had been quite amazing. Z’s existence opened new doors for me in my work. Something which I didn’t see it coming. I work harder than before because at the same time I had less time for my work. Motherhood hasn’t been easy. The learning curve continues to be steep. There were times I simply didn’t care, i simply just lie down beside him and slept with the little one. (of course he wasn’t pleased. He discovered that to make me wake up is to sit on my face). Nevertheless he brought much joy in our lives. Thank God for him. 

Back to my work – finally finally after so many years, I am doing something that I had been dreaming for so many years and it had finally come to pass. To give back to the society  by equipping and empowering people. I used my IT and “business” skills (there were times I felt what I had in my brain was really mediocre but Mr Lim said it wasn’t and it is God who have granted the talents for me.)  Many years i dreamt of helping the youth ministry, the youth at risks or the teenage mothers. Back in 2002, my idea of helping was to earn big $, employed them and teach them a skill. The idea was there but it wasn’t easy to fulfill. Fast forward many years, setting up The Shop City and even before the business made any income, we decided maybe we could see how we can reach out. We were aware of government grant that were available for us to tap on. Hence we researched and wrote a proposal. But we didn’t submit as we perhaps we should try out and see what’s the result and that will make our our proposal more sound and practical. My biz partner wrote to a few NGOs and surprise surprise not many were keen to work with us or felt that our project was not suitable for their clients. But God always have another plan for us. One of the NGO decided to meet up with us and find out more. After 3 months of meeting and planning (more proposals written), they accepted our proposal and let us do a pilot program with their clients. More planning took place (I started to think at times “why-on-earth-am-i-doing-this-when-my-son-my-husband-my-bed-gb-friends-deserves-myATTENTION-and-time?”) and fast forward 9 months, the pilot program kicked off in October 2013. We’ve shortlisted 2 clients who were ex-offenders to join this program. I am proud to say coming Jan 2014, they will be “graduating” and will be opening their very own online shop to sell their handmade items on a website after 3 months.

Was it a success? I don’t know (yet). But i know after getting to know these 2 clients and walking with them through for the past 10 weeks, I know i am doing something meaningful. To witness the growth in them was encouraging and kept me going on. Not to mention how God provided for these 2 clients without my ($) help. Praise God.

I’ll trust the Lord will continue to guide me as I map out the future of my businesses. So .. stay tune 😉

There you go – the blessings in my life 🙂 *smile*

Struggle #1 – Being a Godly Wife

I think we’ve overworked.

My husband involved in 3 ministries and also helping my mom and my brother every week.

I on the other hand have 1 youth ministry, 2 businesses and 1 pre-toddler to handle.

We  hardly had much personal time for ourselves. I don’t want to turn it to a complaining session but I am just wondering why are the both of us so busy. Looking at our other friends, they seem more normal. Weekends are reserved for a time together doing family bonding. Both of us? Often have to take turn to take care of Z so that one of us can serve the ministry.

I don’t feel normal at times. Yet I don’t denied that when we get into the mode of serving, we enjoyed every moment. However exhaustion would set in from time to time as we still have our day jobs to handle (countless deadlines).

I secretly hate technology at times. How convenient for  people to locate you via mobile phone and with all the smart phone, you are contactable all the times unless the battery decided to go flat.

I did googling about being a godly wife. Some said that the home ministry is the priority and some said you can serve alongside with your husband who is also in the ministry. I am confused.

When confusion set in, I looked at Proverbs 31 woman – the woman described inside is amazing. She is a

  1. Wife
  2. Mother
  3. Business Woman
  4. Serve in the ministry

Now now… who says woman can only serve in home ministry devotion to just husband, children and house.

I guessed is all about priority, time management and learning to say NO.

Priority – what comes first in my life?
God > My Family > My Work > (fill in the blank)
Very good. I know that already (in my heart) but when comes to tasks or things that required my attention, all priorities are jumbling up which result getting no/little things are checked off from my to-do list.

Time Management
If i rate myself out of 10, i am going to fail and i am too embarrassed to even mention it here. I am the last minute queen of all queens. Don’t ask me why. (distractions…)

Learning to say NO (and live with my decision)
One of the main challenge in my life now. Many times I don’t know how to say No. If i say No, i am going to feel guilty and terrible that as if I owe the person a life time of debt. Another aspect probably being afraid to be labelled as “No Heart (in chinese) to do a certain task. In another words – fear of judgement. Hence because of this, I landed myself into a lot of unnecessary stress which affect the people around me.

HANG IN THERE PY! This phase will pass 🙂

Struggles

I am getting easily frustrated these days and getting really tired. I want to shout “Time-out!”.

As I looked at my calendar, it is filled with activities and commitments. Some days it felt good to see I am living my life to the fullest. Some days it felt like – where is my me time?

I’ve realized I hesitate to blog due to my site is exposed to the public which include my friends. I am probably thinking – if i blog what is in my head right now, I may risk losing a couple of friendships or perhaps what i fear most was “judgement” on how I live my life.

However I realize i need to write my feelings down. Sure, i can write in my journal which i do from time to time. In a journal, is definitely private. No one is going to judge me unless they found my journal. (I may end up losing more friends haha). So why the open site like this? This caused so much dilemma right?

Main reason  – i find it faster (and easier) to type than to write.  (I can almost hear someone saying then lock your blog girl! which bring me to my 2nd reason)

Second reason – I often find inspiration and encouragement when i read people blog – especially when I read about their life – they are truthful about it and I can almost identify some of the struggles they are facing in their lives. I often thought when i jot my life down on this public site, some days (i hope) it may help one or two lost soul who needed encouragement and after reading my post will feel encouraged that they are not alone and someone had pass through the phase and realize this too shall pass.  Even though I really dislike my blog to have too many “negative” posts, I realize I am pretending to be strong even when I am not. It is very sad that even in front of our screen, we still continue to pretend. (sometimes even though i am not a full time or any popular known blogger, i can really understand why some pple decided to shut down their blog for good so that isn’t any pretence required or any unnecessary judgement)

Hence, i decided I will be honest and write my thoughts down. I am also doing my best to be tactful and perhaps some of the thoughts may come across as immature. However I realize who at some point of time isn’t immature? That’s why we grow right? And being honest is the first step to make myself better and grow to a new maturity level. (Yes i still cringed when i see some of my old blog posts. But I’ve seen the positive side too – I’ve definitely grown 🙂 )

I am struggling in many areas right now. Some are good and some not so good.

I’ve decided that these struggling are such a big “topic” to talk about and I decided i will break down into mini posts.  They are mainly

  1. Motherhood
  2. Ministry
  3. Marriage
  4. Family
  5. Career
Taken from Marieforleo's FB page -
Taken from Marieforleo’s FB page